My language

Why am I writing in English? I guess, not modestly, I wanted to get bigger audience, some of my friends don't know Polish and almost all of my Polish friends speak perfect English. There is just one drawback: It's not my native language and I probably will never sound as "one of us" for English speakers. I finished book two a few minutes ago and I'm moved because you can express so much in Polish. This is my language? All my childhood, my memories are all shaped by Polish culture. Why did I forget that? Why was it so easy to take on someone else's language and treat as my very own? ...It's all two faced. English now is an old Latin or French. In Polish you often don't use Polish equivalents, it's easier, it's cooler. How am I suppose to teach my son Polish as even I don't know how to use it anymore. I'm not really freaking out because I, somewhere in my heart, feel that it's impossible to forget your own language, no matter where you now live. There will always be : mama, tata, babcia,dziadek, pierogi, truskawki, lato, woda...ech now I'm creating this world for Nataniel. In a few years he is going to think about his childhood and I want to fill it with good memories...without rush or flashy toys, just by simply being with him.

Last two weeks are so important to me. It's like with writing I can manage my life - if it's ever possible. It clears my mind, clears my emotions. I have more time for myself, all housework disappears quicker and I manage to do things I always wanted to do. It somehow finally got to me that it's not the world that shapes you, it's you that have the creative power. In fact it's the simplicity , humble surroundings and even bad weather that makes you a better person.